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the joke thread

133 posts · page 4 of 5

wkh
post #91
11 September 2005, 18:33 UTC#91
What sits in the corner and gets smaller and smaller?
A baby with a cheese grator











A guy is screwing a girl, and everything is going fine until the girl cries out "Stop! Stop! It hurts too much!"

The guy sighs and goes and gets some Vaseline, and then they carry on...five minutes later she again cries out "Stop! The pain is horrible!"

So they guy, a bit perturbed, gets off her and goes and gets some lube. They begin again. The guy is just getting into it when the girl AGAIN cries for him to stop "Please stop! The pain is EXCRUCIATING!”

And the guy replies: “Wow, that’s a big word for a five year old!”
Nico
post #92
11 September 2005, 19:01 UTC#92
BWAHAHAHAH biggrin.gif
MyK
post #93
11 September 2005, 20:18 UTC#93
hahahahahahahahahhahaa


a guy walks into the bedroom of his wife and his. she is

laying down in the bed. the man is holding a goose in his

arms and he says 'this is the pig ive been fucking.' the wife

says, 'thats not a pig, it's a goose.' he says 'I was talking to

the goose.'
The Milkman
post #94
11 September 2005, 22:41 UTC#94
pfft, who talks to a goose...
wkh
post #95
11 September 2005, 22:48 UTC#95
QUOTE(lifeofboredom @ Sep 11 2005, 10:41 PM)
pfft, who talks to a goose...
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I dont
sexi_emz
post #96
13 September 2005, 13:00 UTC#96
you actually thought I was a leprechaun!"

haha sucker!!!!!!! lmao readin it in skwl am bored as fuck n that just made me lol proper and everyone looked at me like I was a twat!! o well was funny Image file not present in the recovered backup


and about the goose one that is funny too! id rather fuck a goose than a pig coz pigs stink n I like the word 'goose' and they wud make a better noise!!!! cool.gif
[TNowhere] Kane
post #97
13 September 2005, 13:08 UTC#97
QUOTE(sexi_emz @ Sep 13 2005, 01:00 PM)
you actually thought I was a leprechaun!"

haha sucker!!!!!!! lmao readin it in skwl am bored as fuck n that just made me lol proper and everyone looked at me like I was a twat!! o well was funny Image file not present in the recovered backup


and about the goose one that is funny too! id rather fuck a goose than a pig coz pigs stink n I like the word 'goose' and they wud make a better noise!!!! cool.gif
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Oi Mouth, calm it.
sam[gomp]
post #98
13 September 2005, 22:00 UTC#98
QUOTE([TNowhere] Kane @ Sep 13 2005, 01:08 PM)
QUOTE(sexi_emz @ Sep 13 2005, 01:00 PM)
you actually thought I was a leprechaun!"

haha sucker!!!!!!! lmao readin it in skwl am bored as fuck n that just made me lol proper and everyone looked at me like I was a twat!! o well was funny Image file not present in the recovered backup


and about the goose one that is funny too! id rather fuck a goose than a pig coz pigs stink n I like the word 'goose' and they wud make a better noise!!!! cool.gif
[right][snapback]174645[/snapback][/right]


Oi Mouth, calm it.
[right][snapback]174647[/snapback][/right]


Image file not present in the recovered backup Image file not present in the recovered backup Image file not present in the recovered backup Image file not present in the recovered backup Image file not present in the recovered backup Image file not present in the recovered backup Image file not present in the recovered backup Image file not present in the recovered backup
Luders
post #99
16 September 2005, 14:25 UTC#99
QUOTE(wkh @ Sep 11 2005, 06:33 PM)
What sits in the corner and gets smaller and smaller?
A baby with a cheese grator











A guy is screwing a girl, and everything is going fine until the girl cries out "Stop! Stop! It hurts too much!"

The guy sighs and goes and gets some Vaseline, and then they carry on...five minutes later she again cries out "Stop! The pain is horrible!"

So they guy, a bit perturbed, gets off her and goes and gets some lube. They begin again. The guy is just getting into it when the girl AGAIN cries for him to stop "Please stop! The pain is EXCRUCIATING!”

And the guy replies: “Wow, that’s a big word for a five year old!”
[right][snapback]173361[/snapback][/right]


You're a sick fucker Tom!

A bus stops and 2 Italian men got on.
They sit down and engage in an anmated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanised when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first.
then I come.
then two asses come together.
I Come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come togther again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives."

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm justa tellin' my frienda how to "Mississippi!"
Steve-FF
post #100
16 September 2005, 15:16 UTC#100
two men walking throught the london street and they saw an islam center the other turns to the other and say sould I go in there and ask if his lamb is better than my lamb
joe_thc
post #101
16 September 2005, 15:59 UTC#101
2 niggers walk down the street, they both gt randomly shot, I know thats not funny but dont you wish it happened more often?

Nico
post #102
16 September 2005, 16:19 UTC#102
I'm just against wannabe gangster pakis
joe_thc
post #103
16 September 2005, 16:24 UTC#103
QUOTE(Nico @ Sep 16 2005, 04:19 PM)
I'm just against wannabe gangster pakis
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those fellers are pretty funny..with the turbans and what not, they probably think there doorags
The Milkman
post #104
16 September 2005, 16:33 UTC#104
Is the majority of HGF racist? Image file not present in the recovered backup
made
post #105
16 September 2005, 16:36 UTC#105
QUOTE(lifeofboredom @ Sep 16 2005, 05:33 PM)
Is the majority of HGF racist? Image file not present in the recovered backup
[right][snapback]177195[/snapback][/right]

I am not racist... And never have been.
Skipper
post #106
16 September 2005, 17:08 UTC#106
Im not a racist...I make jokes about race..and often piss my mate of for being black but he knows its all in good taste, for shits and giggles. If I was going to offend someone I wouldnt do it. As I am not racist at all.
sf49
post #107
16 September 2005, 21:28 UTC#107
QUOTE(Steve-FF @ Aug 29 2005, 12:01 PM)
I don't get it  Image file not present in the recovered backup  blink.gif
[right][snapback]161845[/snapback][/right]


The blonde painted the car (Porsche) instead of the porch. You know...Porsche, sounds like porch...that's why it took hardly any time, and there was enough paint left for another coating.

What do you call an elephant lying on top of a child?
A very dangerous situation for the child, most probably in need of emergency medical assistance in order to continue living.
sam[gomp]
post #108
18 September 2005, 12:30 UTC#108
A girl came skipping home FROM school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,b, c, d, e, f, g!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No, Honey, it's because you're 25."




and here's another one


A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey, I love you, too."


Steve-FF
post #109
18 September 2005, 12:37 UTC#109
QUOTE(sf49 @ Sep 16 2005, 09:28 PM)
QUOTE(Steve-FF @ Aug 29 2005, 12:01 PM)
I don't get it  Image file not present in the recovered backup  blink.gif
[right][snapback]161845[/snapback][/right]


The blonde painted the car (Porsche) instead of the porch. You know...Porsche, sounds like porch...that's why it took hardly any time, and there was enough paint left for another coating.

[right][snapback]177329[/snapback][/right]
oh I get it now*punces himself* what a dick.
The Milkman
post #110
18 September 2005, 20:10 UTC#110
QUOTE(SaM{LoB} @ Sep 18 2005, 12:30 PM)
A girl came skipping home FROM school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,b, c, d, e, f, g!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No, Honey, it's because you're 25."




and here's another one


A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey, I love you, too."
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lmao at the second one Image file not present in the recovered backup
sam[gomp]
post #111
18 September 2005, 21:45 UTC#111
same ^^
MattG
post #112
19 September 2005, 01:27 UTC#112
what has 9 arms and sucks?
Mento Extraordinario
post #113
19 September 2005, 01:32 UTC#113
One day a husband, a wife, and their 9 children are waiting at a bus stop. A little bit later a blind man walks up and waits with them. When the bus gets there, they realize there isn't enough room on the bus, so just the wife and 9 kids get on. The husband and blind man walk.

As they are walking, the husband starts to get annoyed with the clacking of the blind mans cane on the ground.

After a while of holding it in, he finally gets annoyed and says "Hey, why don't you put a rubber on the bottom of your stick? It's REALLY annoying"

The blind man says back, sharply: "Hey man, if you woulda put a rubber on YOUR stick, we would be on the bus right now, so shut the fuck up"
MattG
post #114
19 September 2005, 01:40 UTC#114
QUOTE(MattG @ Sep 19 2005, 01:27 AM)
what has 9 arms and sucks?
[right][snapback]179025[/snapback][/right]

def leppard
sam[gomp]
post #115
19 September 2005, 14:34 UTC#115
QUOTE(MattG @ Sep 19 2005, 01:40 AM)
QUOTE(MattG @ Sep 19 2005, 01:27 AM)
what has 9 arms and sucks?
[right][snapback]179025[/snapback][/right]

def leppard
[right][snapback]179033[/snapback][/right]





^^^^^^^^^^^^ brilliant biggrin.gif
wkh
post #116
19 September 2005, 18:14 UTC#116
QUOTE(RSRob @ Sep 19 2005, 01:32 AM)
One day a husband, a wife, and their 9 children are waiting at a bus stop. A little bit later a blind man walks up and waits with them. When the bus gets there, they realize there isn't enough room on the bus, so just the wife and 9 kids get on. The husband and blind man walk.

As they are walking, the husband starts to get annoyed with the clacking of the blind mans cane on the ground.

After a while of holding it in, he finally gets annoyed and says "Hey, why don't you put a rubber on the bottom of your stick? It's REALLY annoying"

The blind man says back, sharply: "Hey man, if you woulda put a rubber on YOUR stick, we would be on the bus right now, so shut the fuck up"
[right][snapback]179029[/snapback][/right]


told!
Mento Extraordinario
post #117
21 September 2005, 19:47 UTC#117
"I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm. A girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then. When she realized what she said her face became red with embarassment. Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the back of your throat. The girl started crying and left the class." -some random person
AsparagusTrevor
post #118
21 September 2005, 19:55 UTC#118
Short one:

Q: What do you call a police-woman who shaves her pussy?

A: A cunt-stubble.

-------------------

Long one:

Lawrence of Arabia is walking through the desert and he encounters some dude laid on the floor with a big erection.

Lawrence asks the guy, "What the hell are you doing," and the bloke replies, "I'm using my cock as a sundial, it's 3:15pm at the moment." Lawrence checks his watch and the guy's right, it's 3:15, and so he contiunes walking.

Later on, Lawrence meets another dude doing the same thing, "What time is is," Lawrence asks. "5:25pm" the man replies. Lawrence continues on his travels.

It's getting late, and Lawrence comes to another guy leaning up against a tree, jacking off. He asks the man, "what the fuck are you doing?" The man says, "I'm just winding my watch up."
sam[gomp]
post #119
21 September 2005, 20:28 UTC#119
QUOTE(RSRob @ Sep 21 2005, 07:47 PM)
"I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm. A girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then. When she realized what she said her face became red with embarassment. Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the back of your throat. The girl started crying and left the class." -some random person
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owned
The Milkman
post #120
21 September 2005, 20:44 UTC#120
Thats absolutely classic! Image file not present in the recovered backup