the joke thread

lol miss davies will probably go on about her and mr lewis get the most out of their spunk...lol she keopt going on about her menstrul cycles to us like it's all normal children... still grossed me out, not the period thing just the thought of her in general

Ok here's agood ol' racist one:

Ok so there's these 2 rednecks driving along a street, when they see 2 black guys walking along the side of the road. Since they're rednecks, and obviously racist, they decide to pull off to the side and run them kneegrows over. So they do, and one of them smashed thru their windshield, while the other flys off into a ditch like 50 feet away.

With they're truck incapacitated, they have no other choice but to wait for the police to arrive. And they fucking do, ok?

So the officer walks up to the rednecks and goes "So, you boys mind tellin' me what happened here?".

The driver speaks up and explains:, "Well officer, we were just driving along the road, and these two crazy african americans jumped right out in front of the truck! Swear to gawd!!!! duuuh"

The officer looks at them suspiciously and says, "boys, I am not retarded, (just from the south), mind tellin' me what really happened?".

So the young lads buck up and the passenger explains. "Well sir, you see, we were just tryin' to give these two black guys a scare. We were gunna pull away at the last moment, but they jumped the way we were turnin', and and we ended up hittin' em'"

So the officer gives them a slight smile, and tells them, "boys, I need the truth. Quit jerkin' my chain, and this whole thing will go alot easier."

After a few moments of shuffling around, the driver speaks up again: awwright gawddamnit, We saw them two niggers walkin' along the street, and decided to do the whole fuckin' world a favor and take em out! There, you happy now officer?!!?!?!"

The officer looks down at his pad for a moment, then looks back up at the two good 'ol boys. "Well boys", says the officer. "You know what we're gunna have to do now right?"

The rednecks bow their heads, awaiting the inevitable.

Officer: "We'll have to book this coon here for breaking and entering, and the other one for leaving the scene of an accident!!!"


BONG!!!!!!!!!!! racism is funny!

BWAHAHAHAHA

I typed that all out myself!!!!

Wrong thread

Bill meets sharon in a club. They have a great night and sharon invites bill back to her place. They soon jump into bed. Finally, satisfied, they lie down and cuddle. After a few minutes, sharron begins tenderly stroking bill's cock. Suprised but pleased bull says, "Surely you can't be ready for more already!" Sharon says, "No but everynow and again I miss the days I had one of my own."


One afternoon, a little girl comes home from school and announces that a friend has told her where babies come from. Amused, her mother says, "go on, tell me" the little girl says "well a mummy and a daddy take off all their clothes, and then the daddy's thingy stands up. Then the mummy puts it in her mouth and then it sort of expliodes. And thats how you get babies!" Her mother says "no honey. thats how you get jewelry




I prefer the first one

Best homework excuse

Well, teacher, I was riding my bike to school, while studying it. This breeze took it right out of my hand. I got off my bike, and started running after it, and I saw it go over a hill, I started to run up the hill, and I tripped over a rock, and fell flat on my face. When I got up, and reached the top of the hill, I couldn't see it anywhere. So I started heading towards a forest, because the wind was blowing that very direction. When I reached the forest, I fell into a deep hole, so I started digging downwards, and ended up right over Area 51. I fell through the ceiling, and I was in a chamber with another alien. I can't describe it, cause the Area 51 workers got ahold of me, took me to a room and erased my memory completely. They put me in a time machine, and I ended up back on my bike on the way to school, holding my homework. I was studying it, and this breeze took it right out of my hand. I got off my bike, and started running after it, and I saw it go over a hill, I started to run up the hill, and I tripped over a rock, and fell flat on my face. When I got up, and reached the top of the hill, I couldn't see it anywhere. So I started heading towards a forest, because the wind was blowing that very direction. When I reached the forest, I fell into a deep hole, so I started digging downwards, and ended up right over Area 51. I fell through the ceiling, and I was in a chamber with another alien. I can't describe it, cause the Area 51 workers got ahold of me, took me to a room and erased my memory completely. They put me in a time machine, and I ended up back on my bike on the way to school, holding my homework. I was studying it, and this breeze took it right out of my hand. I got off my bike, and started running after it, and I saw it go over a hill, I started to run up the hill, and I tripped over a rock, and fell flat on my face. When I got up, and reached the top of the hill, I couldn't see it anywhere. So I started heading towards a forest, because the wind was blowing that very direction. When I reached the forest, I fell into a deep hole, so I started digging downwards, and ended up right over Area 51. I fell through the ceiling, and I was in a chamber with another alien. I can't describe it, cause the Area 51 workers got ahold of me, took me to a room and erased my memory completely. They put me in a time machine, and I ended up back on my bike on the way to school, holding my homework.

New Priest In Town

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had 'fallen.'

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe old age.

A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

"Mayor, you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they've fallen."

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted, "I don't know what you're laughing about, because your wife has fallen three times this week!"

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Heres a shit load.


What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?

The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.




What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
along with... "a recipe."

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale
begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

that scared the shit out of me when I read that because my tech teacher is miss davies and my music teacher is mr lewis lmao Image file not present in the recovered backup



anyway some of those jokes are dead funny Image file not present in the recovered backup

A man was in his hospital bed slipping in and out of a coma. His wife was sitting right by his side the whole time. At one point when he came out of the coma, he says to his wife:
"You know, babe, you've been by my side through all the bad times... when I lost my job, you were right there beside me. When my parents died, you were right there beside me. When my hair thinned, you were right there beside me.


















I think you're bad luck, get the fuck away from me."

HaHa I like how u seperated the answer away from the rest to make it all suspenseful...........^

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device...a vibrator! - soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him. "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids."