the joke thread

haha I have to keep this up with yet another blonde joke :

Three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde are off on their lunch break from the office they work in.
Whilst in the elevator, the Brunette thinks she sees something perculiar on the ground.
-"You know something...I think thats seamen..." she says pointing down at the blob of white on the ground.
The red head bends down, takes a closer look at it and says, "Yeh, thats definetely spunk.."
So the blonde bends down, scoops a bit of it up with her finger and puts it in her mouth, and swallows. After a second or two of thought she says, "Well, It's no one from this building..."


come on, keep em coming I wanna read some more!!!

knock knock
who's there
anna
anna who?
annamazingly good joke
that's as good as your going to get

what an embarrasement for petersfeild ! j/k

(Not the best but oh well)

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island. One day they come across a magical lamp. The brunette rubs it and a genie pops out.

The genie says "I will grant you 3 wishes. One for each of you"

The brunette goes first "I'm tired of being on this island, I want to go home"

"It will be so" says the genie and he sends the brunette home.

The redhead goes next. "I miss my friends and my family, I want to be with them at home."

"It will be so" says the genie and he sends the redhead home.

THe blonde goes last. After a few minutes of thought, she says "I miss my friends already... I wish they were here with me Image file not present in the recovered backup "




Image file not present in the recovered backup

And old simple one:

How do you kill a blonde?













Stick a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"

The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."

"You're wasting your time, " said the boy.

"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.

"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

Hickory dickory dock
this slut sucked on my cock
the bitch bit down
I started to frown
so I stabbed the slut with a sharp rock.


hey!! off the top of my head!!

I rule!!

I liked it Image file not present in the recovered backup

I know I feel sorry for them having to put up with me poor bastards

a blonde shows up at a diner and says, I need Money. will anyone Hire me? so a rich guy says, "well, you can paint my porch" and takes her to his home. she says "the Stain is in the shed. ill pay you when you are done. he goes inside and she gets to work. his wife approaches him. "that will take hours" she says. " the porch goes all the way around the house" "I know" he replies. "but its cheap labor". the blonde comes inside and finds the man. "Im all finished" she tells him afer only 40 minuets of work. he says "wow. very impressive. you work quickly" "yeah, and there was even enough left for me to do a second coat. so I did another" "thats amazing!" shouts the rich man. and he hands her $200. "oh and by the way, thats not a Porsche, thats a ferari" says the blonde

I don't get it Image file not present in the recovered backup

lol.

And Steve-FF u r truely a silly goose.

thanks I've been called a dickhead,dicklip,knobhead,n00b,stupid,dumb but never a silly goose and that is the nicest peace of abuse anyone has ever given me thankyou

Irishman, Englishman and Scottsman all commit equally as serious crimes.
They each get sentenced 30 years inprisonment in city jail and they can each take 30 years supply of 1 thing.
So the englishman chooses to take a woman, the Scottsman chooses to take 30 years supply whisky and the Irishman, 30 years supply of cigaretts.
30 years later all three convicts are released.
The Englishman walks out followed the women and 10 kids.
The Scottsman staggers out pissed out of his face and singing merrily.
Then they release the Irishman who walks out and says "gotta' lite?"

I didn't even snigger

now I am the goose I didnt get that one Image file not present in the recovered backup

How not? tht is a fucking great joke lol.

I just didn't find it funny.

thats not the original joke, I seen the original 1 ages ago in a really really really old rude adult joke book, he had a 20 inch dick, 2 pound left testical, and a 2 pound right 1, and it was in a pub wher the little guy was staring at him. but urs is also gd

2 vampire bats (one big and fat the other small and skinny) in a cave in the jungle. They havn't eaten for days and are starving hungry. So, they decide to in opposit directions and hunt for patheticly weak dying animals to feed on and to meet back at thier cave at midnight.

Midnight arrives and the fat bat is hanging in the cave waiting for the skinny one. The skinny bat flies into the cave with blood dripping from his fangs. The fat bat was delighted as he had found nothing and quikly asked the skinny bat to lead him to his find. Who agreed, and the two friends set out together, flying high above the cannopy of the trees.

After only a short while the skinny bat began to slow and then cirled down into the trees followed eagerly by his overweigt chum.

Yhe two bats hung from a branch silantly as the skinny bat pointed to another tree only a few yards infront and whispered.

"You see that tree?"

"Yes" his friend replied.

"I didn't" . . .

Image file not present in the recovered backup I dont get it either mate

If you're not getting the vampire bat one

Vampire bats bit animals and live on blood.

The fat one saw blood coming from the skinny ones fangs

Thought he caught something.


He crashed into a tree and bled.

Ah, thanaks for clearing that up. I am too dumb to get it at first.

ah, thats so not clear enough to be funny. And even it was I wouldnt have even moved. At all Image file not present in the recovered backup

He's got a point...

and it's not just in my pants

Image file not present in the recovered backup On that note I'm going to bed... goodnight all (^_^)

A regiment of army soldiers were hiking through a valley one fine day. All of a sudden, a Marine is standing on the ridge to one side and says "Hey, Army, you guys suck!" The commander of the regiment orders a squad of soldiers to capture the Marine. The Marine and the squad of soldiers disappear behind the hills and two minutes later the Marine comes back and taunts them again. "Is that all you got?" The commander of the regiment is angered by this and orders a company of soldiers to capture/kill the Marine. The company and the Marine disappear behind the hills and about five minutes later the Marine appears again and taunts them once more. "Come on, you guys can do better than that can't you?" the Marine shouts. The regimental commander then orders an entire battalion to kill the Marine. The Marine and the battalion of soldiers disappear behind the hills. About a half hour passes then the commander of the battalion crawls back over the hills, beaten, bruised, and bleeding to death. He shouts back to the regimental commander, "Fall back! He tricked us! There's two of them!"

In a second grade class, a little girl asks, "Teacher, can my Mommy get pregnant?"

"How old is your mother, dear?" asks the teacher.

"Forty." she replies.

"Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant."

The little girl then asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?"

"Well, dear, how old is your sister?"

The little girl answers, "Nineteen."

"Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant."

The little girl then asks, "Can I get pregnant?"

"How old are you, dear?"

The little girl answers, "I'm seven years old."

"No, dear, you can't get pregnant..."

Then, the little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says, "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about."