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Story thread

23 posts · page 1 of 1

post #1
23 August 2005, 08:18 UTC#1
Every post must have a story, pictures are optional.

- - - - - - - - -

Well basically I was eating some dinner - plain pasta, a banana and chicken kebabs, and like, I open my banana and OMGFZ it was black as shit and the bottom fell off.. It was like whoah.
Then I was kebabs and I was like, chuh, kebabs have sticks.. So I put some pasta on my kebab sticks and voila - I made derek. The picture totally doesn't do him just justice, but yuh... omgz


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post #2
23 August 2005, 08:20 UTC#2
That was your lunch? He told me with a burst of delight. I knew something was up, but I couldn't quite figure out what.
"Come here, I need to show you something" he said as he bounded off into the darkness of the garden. He never ceased to amaze me an the way he could always make me smile. This was the man I wanted to spend my life with...

Some time later he was still nowhere to be seen, so naturally I took off into the garden to look for him...

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Ok so I gave up... its based on a true story...
post #4
23 August 2005, 08:22 UTC#4
biggrin.gif biggrin.gif LOL
post #5
23 August 2005, 08:28 UTC#5
I posted my damn story ^^^

The ENd
post #8
23 August 2005, 10:51 UTC#8
hahaha. You rape your dog in the ass. haha.

post #9
23 August 2005, 11:03 UTC#9
Story: Rob gets drunk and goes on webcam.

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post #10
23 August 2005, 11:05 UTC#10
el oh el
post #11
23 August 2005, 11:12 UTC#11
HAhahaha.
post #13
23 August 2005, 12:30 UTC#13
QUOTE(monolol @ Aug 23 2005, 12:03 PM)


Memories . . . like the corners of my mind... misty, water-coloured memories...of the way we were!
post #14
23 August 2005, 13:20 UTC#14
I just spunked all over your mums pic online biggrin.gif
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post #15
23 August 2005, 13:31 UTC#15
So I walked into this scientific animal practice place. Inside, animals had experiments performed upon them like testing deoderants on them and shite. I happened to stroll into the primate area..Ha ha those stupid monkeys, any way that's beside the point. In a compact cage was a big gorilla. I asked a scientist man what he was doing there...He replied 'just going to be trying out the new lynx deoderant on him'. So I walked over to the stupid gorilla and poked him. This was fun, so I poked him again... All of a sudden he started going ape shit (forgive the pun) and was rattling the bars and jumping around! I turned to the scientist but he had already pegged it! The gorilla started to open the bars, stretching them apart. I sprinted out, down the 300mph elevator and into my car...hit the pedals and I was safely on the road going at quite a speed. I sighed with relief and checked the mirror...The gorilla was chasing me down the road on all fours, slowly catching up! I started to go faster and faster but it remained in sight, scaring all the people around and that. My only hope:jump on an aeroplane. I got to the nearest airport and got on a partially moving plane and it took off within seconds. 'Phew' I sighed with joy, and sat back. KABLOOM! The plane took a dip and slanted to the left. I looked out the window to see the gorilla dangling on the wing! He made his way through the door but I sneakily jumped out of the plane in mid-flight and landed on a 50 by 50 metre area of sand in the middle of the sea. 'Phew' I sighed with relief. I led on my back, with my eyes closed, then opened them only to see the gorilla plummeting down towards me from the sky ! I jumped on a jet boat that was convieniently on the side and started tearing the waves apart soaring towards the nearest land. The gorilla was swimming after me ! He was no 'eddy the eal'- he could swim ! and fast! I got to the nearest beach looked around...no gorilla...it was all over!! Yay. So I was there; lying on the sand, panting, with my hands over my face. I removed my hands only to see the gorilla face to face leaning over me...Shhhhitting myself now...I couldn't move! It raised its fist, I clenched my eyes then !!!




'Tag' and it ran off...

External image not preserved — inspect source: http://www.bristolzoo.org.uk/resources/images/Gorilla%20medium.jpg
post #16
23 August 2005, 14:18 UTC#16
QUOTE(chris_fragile @ Aug 23 2005, 01:31 PM)
So I walked into this scientific animal practice place. Inside, animals had experiments performed upon them like testing deoderants on them and shite. I happened to stroll into the primate area..Ha ha those stupid monkeys, any way that's beside the point. In a compact cage was a big gorilla. I asked a scientist man what he was doing there...He replied 'just going to be trying out the new lynx deoderant on him'. So I walked over to the stupid gorilla and poked him. This was fun, so I poked him again... All of a sudden he started going ape shit (forgive the pun) and was rattling the bars and jumping around! I turned to the scientist but he had already pegged it! The gorilla started to open the bars, stretching them apart. I sprinted out, down the 300mph elevator and into my car...hit the pedals and I was safely on the road going at quite a speed. I sighed with relief and checked the mirror...The gorilla was chasing me down the road on all fours, slowly catching up! I started to go faster and faster but it remained in sight, scaring all the people around and that. My only hope:jump on an aeroplane. I got to the nearest airport and got on a partially moving plane and it took off within seconds. 'Phew' I sighed with joy, and sat back. KABLOOM! The plane took a dip and slanted to the left. I looked out the window to see the gorilla dangling on the wing! He made his way through the door but I sneakily jumped out of the plane in mid-flight and landed on a 50 by 50 metre area of sand in the middle of the sea. 'Phew' I sighed with relief. I led on my back, with my eyes closed, then opened them only to see the gorilla plummeting down towards me from the sky ! I jumped on a jet boat that was convieniently on the side and started tearing the waves apart soaring towards the nearest land. The gorilla was swimming after me ! He was no 'eddy the eal'- he could swim ! and fast! I got to the nearest beach looked around...no gorilla...it was all over!! Yay. So I was there; lying on the sand, panting, with my hands over my face.  I removed my hands only to see the gorilla face to face leaning over me...Shhhhitting myself now...I couldn't move! It raised its fist, I clenched my eyes then !!!




'Tag' and it ran off...

External image not preserved — inspect source: http://www.bristolzoo.org.uk/resources/images/Gorilla%20medium.jpg
[right][snapback]157532[/snapback][/right]



Lmfao Image file not present in the recovered backup Image file not present in the recovered backup Image file not present in the recovered backup
post #17
23 August 2005, 15:25 UTC#17
He he thank you...took long enough to type!
post #19
23 August 2005, 21:49 UTC#19
No explanation required for that ay ?
post #20
23 August 2005, 22:06 UTC#20
QUOTE(chris_fragile @ Aug 23 2005, 01:31 PM)
So I walked into this scientific animal practice place. Inside, animals had experiments performed upon them like testing deoderants on them and shite. I happened to stroll into the primate area..Ha ha those stupid monkeys, any way that's beside the point. In a compact cage was a big gorilla. I asked a scientist man what he was doing there...He replied 'just going to be trying out the new lynx deoderant on him'. So I walked over to the stupid gorilla and poked him. This was fun, so I poked him again... All of a sudden he started going ape shit (forgive the pun) and was rattling the bars and jumping around! I turned to the scientist but he had already pegged it! The gorilla started to open the bars, stretching them apart. I sprinted out, down the 300mph elevator and into my car...hit the pedals and I was safely on the road going at quite a speed. I sighed with relief and checked the mirror...The gorilla was chasing me down the road on all fours, slowly catching up! I started to go faster and faster but it remained in sight, scaring all the people around and that. My only hope:jump on an aeroplane. I got to the nearest airport and got on a partially moving plane and it took off within seconds. 'Phew' I sighed with joy, and sat back. KABLOOM! The plane took a dip and slanted to the left. I looked out the window to see the gorilla dangling on the wing! He made his way through the door but I sneakily jumped out of the plane in mid-flight and landed on a 50 by 50 metre area of sand in the middle of the sea. 'Phew' I sighed with relief. I led on my back, with my eyes closed, then opened them only to see the gorilla plummeting down towards me from the sky ! I jumped on a jet boat that was convieniently on the side and started tearing the waves apart soaring towards the nearest land. The gorilla was swimming after me ! He was no 'eddy the eal'- he could swim ! and fast! I got to the nearest beach looked around...no gorilla...it was all over!! Yay. So I was there; lying on the sand, panting, with my hands over my face.  I removed my hands only to see the gorilla face to face leaning over me...Shhhhitting myself now...I couldn't move! It raised its fist, I clenched my eyes then !!!




'Tag' and it ran off...

External image not preserved — inspect source: http://www.bristolzoo.org.uk/resources/images/Gorilla%20medium.jpg
[right][snapback]157532[/snapback][/right]

That was great lmfao Image file not present in the recovered backup
post #21
23 August 2005, 22:10 UTC#21
2-Fort
The earth was split into two nations. The east was blue while the west was red. It had been that way since any man alive can remember. They have been in war so long that no one really remembers what started the fighting in the first place. But now it was all about territory. The blue-team had control of most of the world. All that was left for the red was a small territory in what used to be Alaska. If the blue team got control of this last piece of the reds territory it would be all over for them.
“Get down!” a soldier yelled from across the battlements. He looked over at us and his head exploded in bits of bone and blood. I ducked in fear for my life. “They must have fifty snipers over there” my buddy Matt said. He was a spy probably the best spy here. He had just turned 15, which meant he had to fight with the rest of the men. The age limit used to be 18 but the more and more territory that we lost the younger that the new recruits got. “Ok you ready for your first big assignment Matt?” I asked him. He nodded and took off. He knew what to do.
I pulled a mirror out of my pocket and slowly edged it out of the side of the battlements to take a peek at the battlefield without getting my head blow off by a blue sniper. There were 5 snipers that I could see out in the open 4 on the top and one that was running towards there base. I knew that that one was Matt in disguise. All of a sudden an enemy medic came out and started talking to him. “Shit” I muttered to myself softly. “What’s wrong?” the sniper behind me asked. “Damn noob got himself in some trouble, an enemy medic is talking to him.” I replied “Well you gonna help him or not?” the sniper asked. But I was already charging my rifle “Ok I need you to create a diversion. Pick up that soldiers helmet (don’t worry he won’t need it anymore) and on the count of three throw it across the battlements, ok?” He nodded. “1…2…. 3.” He threw the helmet and almost immediately 3 shots were heard and the helmet was turn into shrapnel. I quickly popped out from behind the wall shot the enemy medic right in the head then quickly returned to my position before I got my head torn off. “Yes! I got him!” I yelled, “ yeah and they got me.” I turned around damn they tore his hand into bits. “ I’ll call for a medic, it’ll be fine just…Blow on it or something till he gets here.” He forced a smile then went to sit down behind me.
I looked through my mirror again. The snipers were laughing! I guess they thought they had killed him. I wanted to blow there brains out right now but I knew what they had coming. “Who called for a medic?” Someone asked beside me. “I did he needs a regen shot” I said pointing at the sniper lying next to me “ Ok this will hurt a little” he said to the sniper as he pulled out his syringe. I looked back at my mirror. Yes! 2 engineers had set up a couple of (“OWW THAT F***ING HURT”! I looked behind me and laughed. “You should be ok in about 45 minutes,” The medic said.) sentry guns outside of the blue’s base and they were tearing up anyone that stepped outside, but still no sign of Matt. I hope he made it through there base ok.
I waited a couple more minutes watching the sentry guns take out a good chunk of the blue team before they sent out a pyro to fix their problem. He managed to burn down one of the sentry guns and catch both of the engineers of fire (1 of them burnt to death the other one jumped into the water under the bridge) before the second sentry gun shot him to death. I still didn’t see Matt yet and all 4 of the snipers were still watching the ground like a hawk. All of a sudden a red dot appeared on my mirror and then it shattered shooting glass into my face.
That was it I had to know what happened to Matt. “You ok man?” I asked the sniper sitting behind me. “yeah my hand is almost fully grown back now,” he said raising his right hand, which was bloody on the tips, but the bottom was slowly growing back. “Holy shit what happened to your face!” he asked. “Oh that it’ll be ok ill get it fixed in a second “ “By the way I’m Steven.” I said offering my hand to him. I felt like an ass for not introducing myself earlier but I had been to caught up in the battle. “Good to meet you I’m A.J.” he said offering his right hand but then quickly relied that it was still bloody, he offered his left instead. “ Thanks for your help and sorry about your hand but I’m gonna need one more favor” I said to A.J. “ Anything to help out the team” he gracefully offered. “Ok Matt seems to be in a jam. I know matt and he usually makes fast clean kills this isn’t like him something is wrong. I have to go try and help him. What I need you to do is keep an eye on the battlefield and try to keep that last sentry gun up and running.” I told him. “I’ll try my damnedest” he replied.
I quickly ran back to the supply room for health and ammo. The red team had always been the best defenders only out beaten by overwhelming numbers, and this was best shown throughout our base. As I ran through our base sentry guns lined the walls blue bodies were scattered around them. Demomen lined the halls with explosive charges just for a blue uniform to cross there path so they can hit the switch. Friendly fire was a spy’s worst enemy, with all of the campers hanging around waiting for the other team to come to them. They were constantly blowing up friendly spies. I reached the supply room and got my face cleaned up and then grabed some extra ammo. Two engineers were smoking cigars and shouting about some hacker that killed them. “Stop arguing and actually get out there fight, we need as much help as possible.” They looked at me looked at each other and laughed. “Don’t tell us how to do our job SNIPER” one of them said. I didn’t have time to argue with them right now I had to find out what was wrong with Matt. If we did win this thing and get back our territory some serious changes would need to be put into place for this army.
I reached the doorway that led outside but there was no way I could make it with the snipers covering every piece of visible land. I needed help if I ever wanted to make it across. I looked around to find anything that could help, there were two sentry guns covering the doorways. There was no way I could use them they were tightly bolted into the ground and even if I could there would be now way that I could pick one up. A heavy weapons guy ran past me and started opening fire on the snipers. This was my chance. I quickly ran behind him as he made his way across the bridge. The armor of a heavy weapons guy was thick, thick enough to take a couple sniper shots. As soon as the snipers heard his chain gun they ducked in fear. “Can you walk any faster?” I asked the heavy weapons guy. “You wanna carry this thing?” he asked sarcastically. “Good point.” I told him as we crossed the bridge.
We were finally across the bridge where the snipers couldn’t see us. I looked at the sentry gun I asked A.J. to watch for me but it was just a pile of ruble now. I looked up at our battlements but didn’t see A.J. I whistled for him to signal that I had made it across ok. He poked his head out and waved. Glad to see that he wasn’t dead I waved back but a red dot just appeared on his head. “GET YOUR HEAD IN!” I yelled but it was to late his head exploded into a bloody mess. “Tough luck” the heavy weapons guy beside me said. I pulled my handgun out of my belt and pointed it at his head. “yeah tough luck” I said as I pulled the trigger. I was covered in blood and brains and I knew for sure that the blue team would send someone after me now that they knew my position so I hurried inside their base.
A grenade exploded behind me as I walked into their main hallway I was looking for any sign of Matt. Down the hall I could see a pile of charges. I knocked on the wall and a head poked out behind the wall right next to the charges I smiled and waved at him as I shot one of the charges setting of all of the rest. Once the explosion was over I ran to the spot that I had just blown up. Matt was knelling down taking the clothes of the guy that I had just killed. “Your alive!” I yelled. He looked back “What are you doing here!” he asked. “Saving your ass again. What is taking so long?” I told him “Well I didn’t have a weapon to blow up those charges like you so I had to wait till someone killed this guy so I could get by him.” He said. A grenade flew down towards us and exploded instantly. I flew back hit the wall and then passed out.
GAME OVER flashed on the screen. “Dude that has got to be the best $50 I have ever spent on a video game” I said to Matt who was sitting on the computer next to me. “You died! Damn I still need help to get into there base.” Matt said looking at my screen. “Are you done with you chores yet A.J.” a voice yelled from the other room. “No mom not yet” A.J. said “Ok tell your friends to go home and you can call them when you get done with them” A.J.’s mom said. “Yes mom. Ok bring the game over tomorrow Steven and we will play again ok? A.J. asked me. “ Ok sure man see you later” I said as Matt and me left.


Wrote that when I was a freshman biggrin.gif
post #22
24 August 2005, 09:42 UTC#22
Hahaha nice abuse PoRks !!!! and fukn crunk josh .. lmao
post #23
24 August 2005, 14:45 UTC#23
Here's one I prepared earlier.


I awake from my slumber. the time is 8:53am and I feel like I haven't had a wink of sleep. I sigh, then rise from the comfort of my bed and into this strange reality. My hands tremble as I remove a fresh cigarette from the packet, I light it and then inhale. Carcinogenic chemicals flow through the fibreglass filter then into my rotting lungs, the feeling is blissful, almost like unprotected sex, but not. I stagger to the kitchen like an old man with 2 broken hips. "All I need now is that early morning dose of caffeine" I think to myself, as I spoon out the aromatic grains of ground coffee. Suddenly, a sound like 2 chickens being sodomised with chainsaw rings out from my bedroom. I drop the coffee cup and whimper as it shatters into tiny fragments that imbed themselves into my legs, like shrapnel from a hand grenade. I run to my room and launch myself at the alarm clock blasting its brutal sound, it buckles under the weight of my fist which drives into it like a bullet driving into a small child. The room is silent. I follow the droplets of blood that oozed from my leg during the dash to the bedroom to see the kitchen covered with tiny pieces of the almighty coffee mug. I sigh once more as I start to sweep up the mess of instant coffee and shards of cheap glass that came straight out of a chinese slave labour camp.

After dumping the waste into the bin I sit down, light another cigarette and reminisce about the days of waking up to a smooth cup of coffee. "It's never going to be the same without him" I think to myself, cursing the alarm clock for startling me with its malicious blare. I get out of my seat and open the fridge, looking for a morsel of food to please the gurgling gastric juices residing in my stomach. A container of leftover curry catches my eye and I remove it from the shelf taking it over to the bench. Anticipating the ensuing feast I rip open the lid, to find a city of fur and other unimaginable objects growing over the top of the once tasty curry. In exasperation I throw the container onto the floor and watch as brown sludge splatters all over the kitchen tiles, like fecal matter being expelled from a lepers rectum. Once again I sigh, light a cigarette and think to myself that the day could not possibly get any worse.



I would've continued this story, but I decided getting drunk would be more enjoyable.