QUOTE(Liam @ Jan 16 2007, 06:11 AM) [snapback]411279[/snapback]
A lot of these have been reproduced/copied from the Darwin Awards.
This years Darwin AwardsThe Darwin Awards.
In case you don't know it's an annual honour given to the person who did
the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most
extraordinarily stupid way.
Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which t
oppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of
it. And the nominees this year, in reverse order, are
7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply
because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into
the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his
house down, killing both him and his sister.
6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of
suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and
weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and
white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to
create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas ma
sk that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its
place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube
approx. 30"
long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was, for reasons unknown, I
nserted into his rectum and was the cause of his suffocation.
Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his
family very awkward.
5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude whe
n another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and
crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around
their ankles.
4. A 22-year-old, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps
to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said
Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together,
wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at
Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a
police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his
car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was
greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael
said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."
3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The
friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.
2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell
of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing
all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building
had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched.
Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in
the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
described the sight of one of the technician reaching into his pocket and
retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of
the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces
of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but
the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician
suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by
his > >peers.
AND THE WINNER.....(ouch....)
1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez
tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.
Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchezm
anaged to straddle the ball washer and dangle his balls in the machine.
Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the
crank on
the machine with Sanchez's balls in place, thus wedging them solidly in
the
mechanism.
Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain , collapsed and
tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for him, the height of the ball
washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are
in a normal stance, and his balls were the weakest link.
Sanchez's balls ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked
from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle
was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the
washer, and the rotating machinery inside.
To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had
just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself.
Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining
threesome was asked to leave the
course.
>
Note: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die.
But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of
stupidity, we have allowed it
LOL. 