post #1
15 September 2006, 05:25 UTC#1
Read on at your own risk.
So there's this kid, right? And he's utterly obsessed with clowns. He's got posters of clowns all around his room, he's got a clown alarm clock, he's got clown pyjamas, clown dolls, he's even got a little clown toothbrush. He LOVES clowns.
One day, he hears that the circus is in town. He gets really excited and decides that he HAS to go. He wants to see the clowns. He races to the ticket shop and gets a ticket straight away, just itching to get in there. He whiles the days away, playing with all of his clown stuff, getting more and more excited about going to the circus.
When the day finally comes, he's overwhelmed with joy as he walks through the gate. He goes on the rides, eats some candy floss and a hot dog, sees the freakshow, pets the circus animals... and then he sees the Big Top. He's inside in a jiffy and takes a really good seat near the front. Pretty soon the tent fills up with circus-goers and the show begins. The house is packed and the vibe is electric. The dancing horses come out, then the elephants, then the magic tricks.. the little boy is just bursting with anticipation of seeing the clowns.
And then. At last, what he's been waiting for all this time... the clown act begins. There's big clowns, little clowns, throwing pies and wheeling around on unicycles, and the crowd is going wild. The little boy is just lapping it up. Then the head clown picks up the microphone and says "now we'd like to pick a member of the audience to help with our show."
The lights all go out and the spotlight circles the crowd. Lo and behold, it lands on the little boy. He is ecstatic, and nearly shits his pants with excitement. He cannot believe his luck. Head spinning with adrenalin, he walks slowly down into the ring with the head clown. This is the happiest moment of his life.
The crowd goes quiet, and the head clown says to the little boy..
"Hey kid, are you the horse's head?"
"No"
"Are you the horse's ear?"
"No"
"Are you the horse's tail?"
"No"
"Then you must be the horses's ass!!"
The whole tent erupts into fits of laughter, at the little boy's expense. Everyone is laughing, except the poor little boy. He is absolutely mortified. He is humiliated beyond belief. As he goes back and takes his seat, he stares hard at the clowns, and swears coldly that one day he will have his revenge.
He goes home that night, crying uncontrollably, thoughts of death, violence and rage going through his head. He tears down his clown posters. He smashes his clown alarm clock. He burns his clown pyjamas, breaks his clown toys, and even snaps his little clown toothbrush. He HATES clowns.
As the boy grows older, the events of that night stay clear in his mind. He goes through high school, gets a degree and job, but the hatred does not leave him. He slowly becomes a twisted old man, grumbling and scowling about that night. Never forgetting what how that head clown made a fool out of him.
One day, the old man is walking down the street, and he sees a poster for the circus. That same circus is back in town. He stops dead in his tracks, looks hard at the poster.. and smiles to himself. Then he begins to cackle, very loudly, and walks himself straight to the ticket place and buys a ticket to go to the circus.
The day comes, and the old man barges to the front of the line and goes in. He dismisses the animals, and the freaks etc. He marches right into the Big Top and secures himself a good seat near the front. The seats fill up pretty quick, and the show begins. The dancing horses come out. The old man yawns. Then come the elephants.. and the magic tricks. Same old shit.
And then.
The clowns appear. They're running around, throwing pies, acting like idiots, and everyone is laughing. Then, a hobbling old clown steps into the arena, and the other clowns finish up. He picks up the microphone, and looks around at the crowd, saying "now, we'd like to pick a member of the audience to help with our show."
All the lights go out, and the spotlight circles the crowd. As luck should have it, it lands on the old man.. for the second time in his life. As the old clown approaches to lead him to the arena, the old man sees that it's the same head clown that humiliated him all those years before. The old man is calm and collected as they walk together into the ring. The old head clown takes up the microphone once more and says to the old man;
"Hey mister, are you the horse's head?"
"No," the old man replies.
"Are you the horse's ear?"
"No"
"Are you the horse's tail?"
"No"
"Then you must be the horse's ass!!"
And once again, the whole tent erupts into fits of laughter. Except for the old man. He stares bitterly, straight at the clown. Thoughts of the first time this clown humiliated him are racing through his head. His face is a twisted picture of evil and hatred. The laughter hushes quickly into silence, and everyone in the place knows that something is going to happen. The crowd watches. This is the old man's moment. He takes a deep breath, looks at the clown and says..
FUCK YOU CLOWN!!! FUCK YOU!!
So there's this kid, right? And he's utterly obsessed with clowns. He's got posters of clowns all around his room, he's got a clown alarm clock, he's got clown pyjamas, clown dolls, he's even got a little clown toothbrush. He LOVES clowns.
One day, he hears that the circus is in town. He gets really excited and decides that he HAS to go. He wants to see the clowns. He races to the ticket shop and gets a ticket straight away, just itching to get in there. He whiles the days away, playing with all of his clown stuff, getting more and more excited about going to the circus.
When the day finally comes, he's overwhelmed with joy as he walks through the gate. He goes on the rides, eats some candy floss and a hot dog, sees the freakshow, pets the circus animals... and then he sees the Big Top. He's inside in a jiffy and takes a really good seat near the front. Pretty soon the tent fills up with circus-goers and the show begins. The house is packed and the vibe is electric. The dancing horses come out, then the elephants, then the magic tricks.. the little boy is just bursting with anticipation of seeing the clowns.
And then. At last, what he's been waiting for all this time... the clown act begins. There's big clowns, little clowns, throwing pies and wheeling around on unicycles, and the crowd is going wild. The little boy is just lapping it up. Then the head clown picks up the microphone and says "now we'd like to pick a member of the audience to help with our show."
The lights all go out and the spotlight circles the crowd. Lo and behold, it lands on the little boy. He is ecstatic, and nearly shits his pants with excitement. He cannot believe his luck. Head spinning with adrenalin, he walks slowly down into the ring with the head clown. This is the happiest moment of his life.
The crowd goes quiet, and the head clown says to the little boy..
"Hey kid, are you the horse's head?"
"No"
"Are you the horse's ear?"
"No"
"Are you the horse's tail?"
"No"
"Then you must be the horses's ass!!"
The whole tent erupts into fits of laughter, at the little boy's expense. Everyone is laughing, except the poor little boy. He is absolutely mortified. He is humiliated beyond belief. As he goes back and takes his seat, he stares hard at the clowns, and swears coldly that one day he will have his revenge.
He goes home that night, crying uncontrollably, thoughts of death, violence and rage going through his head. He tears down his clown posters. He smashes his clown alarm clock. He burns his clown pyjamas, breaks his clown toys, and even snaps his little clown toothbrush. He HATES clowns.
As the boy grows older, the events of that night stay clear in his mind. He goes through high school, gets a degree and job, but the hatred does not leave him. He slowly becomes a twisted old man, grumbling and scowling about that night. Never forgetting what how that head clown made a fool out of him.
One day, the old man is walking down the street, and he sees a poster for the circus. That same circus is back in town. He stops dead in his tracks, looks hard at the poster.. and smiles to himself. Then he begins to cackle, very loudly, and walks himself straight to the ticket place and buys a ticket to go to the circus.
The day comes, and the old man barges to the front of the line and goes in. He dismisses the animals, and the freaks etc. He marches right into the Big Top and secures himself a good seat near the front. The seats fill up pretty quick, and the show begins. The dancing horses come out. The old man yawns. Then come the elephants.. and the magic tricks. Same old shit.
And then.
The clowns appear. They're running around, throwing pies, acting like idiots, and everyone is laughing. Then, a hobbling old clown steps into the arena, and the other clowns finish up. He picks up the microphone, and looks around at the crowd, saying "now, we'd like to pick a member of the audience to help with our show."
All the lights go out, and the spotlight circles the crowd. As luck should have it, it lands on the old man.. for the second time in his life. As the old clown approaches to lead him to the arena, the old man sees that it's the same head clown that humiliated him all those years before. The old man is calm and collected as they walk together into the ring. The old head clown takes up the microphone once more and says to the old man;
"Hey mister, are you the horse's head?"
"No," the old man replies.
"Are you the horse's ear?"
"No"
"Are you the horse's tail?"
"No"
"Then you must be the horse's ass!!"
And once again, the whole tent erupts into fits of laughter. Except for the old man. He stares bitterly, straight at the clown. Thoughts of the first time this clown humiliated him are racing through his head. His face is a twisted picture of evil and hatred. The laughter hushes quickly into silence, and everyone in the place knows that something is going to happen. The crowd watches. This is the old man's moment. He takes a deep breath, looks at the clown and says..
FUCK YOU CLOWN!!! FUCK YOU!!
