post #1
31 March 2005, 14:58 UTC#1
Ok I'm in a bit of a shit mood and I need a laugh.
Anyone got any good jokes, post them here
Anyone got any good jokes, post them here
Forum index / Funny shit / Joke thread
Joke thread
35 posts · page 1 of 2
post #2
31 March 2005, 15:02 UTC#2
Two men owned a bungee cord business and they wanted more business so they went to Mexico and they had to test the bungee cord so one of the guys jumped off the cliff to test it and he came back up with busted balls and broken arm and bruises all over, the other guy asked "what happened?"...the guy was bruised up so bad he couldn't remember, he tested it again, and again he came up with bruises everywhere and broke his other arm and again the guy asked "what happened?"...he still wouldn't tell him, the third time he tested it he broke his legs and more bruises and the guy again asked "what happened?" and he looked down there and there were kids screaming Piñata! Piñata!
hahaha I love this joke External image not preserved — inspect source: http://homegrownforums.com/html/emoticons/Copy of lol.gif
hahaha I love this joke External image not preserved — inspect source: http://homegrownforums.com/html/emoticons/Copy of lol.gif
post #3
31 March 2005, 15:03 UTC#3
post #4
31 March 2005, 16:06 UTC#4
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.
Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.
She figured she would break him of this crazy habit.
So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down ... and saw her husband was holding a battery operated pleasure device... a vibrator ... soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She goes completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy... if you explain the kids."
Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.
She figured she would break him of this crazy habit.
So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down ... and saw her husband was holding a battery operated pleasure device... a vibrator ... soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She goes completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy... if you explain the kids."
post #5
31 March 2005, 20:52 UTC#5
post #6
01 April 2005, 09:17 UTC#6
how did the chicken cross the road?
to get to the other side!!!
OMG!!!1!!11111!!!!!!!!LOL!!LOLOLOLO!!!!SHIT!!!!!WHOOOO1!!!OMFG!!!!!!!FSIUGRHI!! External image not preserved — inspect source: http://homegrownforums.com/html/emoticons/Copy of crazy.gif
to get to the other side!!!
OMG!!!1!!11111!!!!!!!!LOL!!LOLOLOLO!!!!SHIT!!!!!WHOOOO1!!!OMFG!!!!!!!FSIUGRHI!! External image not preserved — inspect source: http://homegrownforums.com/html/emoticons/Copy of crazy.gif
post #7
01 April 2005, 09:30 UTC#7
QUOTE (Veni Vearl @ Apr 1 2005, 09:17 AM) how did the chicken cross the road?
to get to the other side!!!
You mean why did the chicken cross the road?
to get to the other side!!!
You mean why did the chicken cross the road?
post #8
01 April 2005, 09:57 UTC#8
QUOTE (ZekE[XH] @ Apr 1 2005, 09:30 AM) QUOTE (Veni Vearl @ Apr 1 2005, 09:17 AM) how did the chicken cross the road?
to get to the other side!!!
You mean why did the chicken cross the road?
to get to the other side!!!
You mean why did the chicken cross the road?
post #9
01 April 2005, 11:37 UTC#9
2 muffins in an oven baking away...just chilling
One says to the other "Gawd it's hot in here"
The other muffin replies "Holy Shit! A talikng muffin!!!"
2 cows in a field. One says to the other "So what do you think of all this 'mad cow disease' business?" The other replies "Doesn't bother me, I'm a motorbike"
One says to the other "Gawd it's hot in here"
The other muffin replies "Holy Shit! A talikng muffin!!!"
2 cows in a field. One says to the other "So what do you think of all this 'mad cow disease' business?" The other replies "Doesn't bother me, I'm a motorbike"
post #10
01 April 2005, 13:35 UTC#10
post #11
01 April 2005, 13:37 UTC#11
post #12
01 April 2005, 13:42 UTC#12
QUOTE (chris_fragile @ Apr 1 2005, 11:37 AM) 2 muffins in an oven baking away...just chilling
One says to the other "Gawd it's hot in here"
The other muffin replies "Holy Shit! A talikng muffin!!!"
2 cows in a field. One says to the other "So what do you think of all this 'mad cow disease' business?" The other replies "Doesn't bother me, I'm a motorbike"
sorry I actually found them more funny* External image not preserved — inspect source: http://homegrownforums.com/html/emoticons/uhh.gif
One says to the other "Gawd it's hot in here"
The other muffin replies "Holy Shit! A talikng muffin!!!"
2 cows in a field. One says to the other "So what do you think of all this 'mad cow disease' business?" The other replies "Doesn't bother me, I'm a motorbike"
sorry I actually found them more funny* External image not preserved — inspect source: http://homegrownforums.com/html/emoticons/uhh.gif
post #13
01 April 2005, 15:15 UTC#13
what's the difference between michael jackson and acne?
acne doesn't cum on your face until you're 15
acne doesn't cum on your face until you're 15
post #14
01 April 2005, 16:10 UTC#14
I love silly jokes. Those had me giggling like a girl.
post #15
01 April 2005, 16:15 UTC#15
what has michael jackson and homework got in common?
They're both a pain in the arse to kids External image not preserved — inspect source: http://homegrownforums.com/html/emoticons/Copy of lol.gif
They're both a pain in the arse to kids External image not preserved — inspect source: http://homegrownforums.com/html/emoticons/Copy of lol.gif
post #16
01 April 2005, 16:36 UTC#16
Shut the fuck up Veni, you pre-pubescent cumstained fuckhole.
*ahem*
A man is driving down the freeway and pulls over when he spots a little girl crying on the side of the road. He asks her what is wrong. The girl points over to a car that is crashed and turned over. The man says "oh no, where are your parents sweety?" She starts to cry harder and points again to the wrecked car. The man pulls his fly down and says, "well sweety, today is not your lucky day..."
*ahem*
A man is driving down the freeway and pulls over when he spots a little girl crying on the side of the road. He asks her what is wrong. The girl points over to a car that is crashed and turned over. The man says "oh no, where are your parents sweety?" She starts to cry harder and points again to the wrecked car. The man pulls his fly down and says, "well sweety, today is not your lucky day..."
post #17
01 April 2005, 20:06 UTC#17
External image not preserved — inspect source: http://homegrownforums.com/html/emoticons/Copy of crazy.gif A horse walks in to a pub................ the barman says...... "why have a long face"?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHA!!! fuck me sideways! I am rather funny!!!!! External image not preserved — inspect source: http://homegrownforums.com/html/emoticons/Copy of crazy.gif
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHA!!! fuck me sideways! I am rather funny!!!!! External image not preserved — inspect source: http://homegrownforums.com/html/emoticons/Copy of crazy.gif
post #18
01 April 2005, 20:11 UTC#18
QUOTE (The Blargh @ Apr 1 2005, 05:36 PM) Shut the fuck up Veni, you pre-pubescent cumstained fuckhole.
*ahem*
A man is driving down the freeway and pulls over when he spots a little girl crying on the side of the road. He asks her what is wrong. The girl points over to a car that is crashed and turned over. The man says "oh no, where are your parents sweety?" She starts to cry harder and points again to the wrecked car. The man pulls his fly down and says, "well sweety, today is not your lucky day..."
hahaha sick but funny
*ahem*
A man is driving down the freeway and pulls over when he spots a little girl crying on the side of the road. He asks her what is wrong. The girl points over to a car that is crashed and turned over. The man says "oh no, where are your parents sweety?" She starts to cry harder and points again to the wrecked car. The man pulls his fly down and says, "well sweety, today is not your lucky day..."
hahaha sick but funny
post #19
01 April 2005, 21:09 UTC#19
Whats the difference between a duck?
One of its legs is both the same!
One of its legs is both the same!
post #20
post #21
01 April 2005, 22:44 UTC#21
man walked into a bar...bet that hurt
post #22
01 April 2005, 22:45 UTC#22
what happens if mr blobby sits in the bath to long?
he gets a crinkly bottem.
haha External image not preserved — inspect source: http://homegrownforums.com/html/emoticons/Copy of glare.gif
he gets a crinkly bottem.
haha External image not preserved — inspect source: http://homegrownforums.com/html/emoticons/Copy of glare.gif
post #23
02 April 2005, 19:18 UTC#23
you suck
post #24
03 April 2005, 15:23 UTC#24
QUOTE (The Blargh @ Apr 1 2005, 04:36 PM) Shut the fuck up Veni, you pre-pubescent cumstained fuckhole.
*ahem*
*ahem*
post #25
03 April 2005, 16:51 UTC#25
QUOTE (chris_fragile @ Apr 1 2005, 11:37 AM) 2 cows in a field. One says to the other "So what do you think of all this 'mad cow disease' business?" The other replies "Doesn't bother me, I'm a motorbike"
I love that one
I love that one
post #26
03 April 2005, 16:55 UTC#26
Two guys are sitting next to each other on an airplane. As the plane gets in the air, one turns to the other and says, "You know, the most embarrassing thing happened to me this morning. I went to get my ticket from the woman at the counter, who just happened to be the most gorgeous woman I've ever lain my eyes upon, and instead of asking for 'Two tickets to Pittsburgh', I said, 'Two pickets to Tittsburg'."
They shared a chuckle over this and the other man responded, "That's the damnedest thing. Something like that happened with my wife and me at breakfast this morning.
I meant to ask her to 'Please pass the Post Porridge,' but it came out, 'YOU FUCKING BITCH, YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE.'
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen this guy's an escaped convict - look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jailand hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too."
A man's walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty bucks," she says.
He'd never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell it's only twenty bucks. They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It's a police officer.
"What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.
"I'm making love to my wife," the man answers indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know."
"Well," said the man, "neither did I until you shined that light in her face."
They shared a chuckle over this and the other man responded, "That's the damnedest thing. Something like that happened with my wife and me at breakfast this morning.
I meant to ask her to 'Please pass the Post Porridge,' but it came out, 'YOU FUCKING BITCH, YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE.'
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen this guy's an escaped convict - look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jailand hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too."
A man's walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty bucks," she says.
He'd never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell it's only twenty bucks. They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It's a police officer.
"What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.
"I'm making love to my wife," the man answers indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know."
"Well," said the man, "neither did I until you shined that light in her face."
post #27
03 April 2005, 17:04 UTC#27
LOL
post #28
03 April 2005, 17:07 UTC#28
I ate a vegetable once . . .
But I couldn't finish the wheelchair.
External image not preserved — inspect source: http://homegrownforums.com/html/emoticons/Copy of sad.gif
But I couldn't finish the wheelchair.
External image not preserved — inspect source: http://homegrownforums.com/html/emoticons/Copy of sad.gif
post #29
03 April 2005, 17:11 UTC#29
a man walks into a bar and says to the barman..........."you MUM"
WHEY WHEY WHEY WHEY WHEY WHEY WHEY
WHEY WHEY WHEY WHEY WHEY WHEY WHEY
post #30
29 April 2005, 13:55 UTC#30
they goint the dna of micheal jackson and arnold swsanigger and what did they get micheal was a nigger External image not preserved — inspect source: http://homegrownforums.com/html/emoticons/tardlol.gif External image not preserved — inspect source: http://homegrownforums.com/html/emoticons/tardlol.gif External image not preserved — inspect source: http://homegrownforums.com/html/emoticons/tardlol.gif External image not preserved — inspect source: http://homegrownforums.com/html/emoticons/tardlol.gif
ooooooohhhhhhhhhh I've still got it
ooooooohhhhhhhhhh I've still got it