post #1
13 March 2005, 05:40 UTC#1
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer or if it helps you, press 0 as fast as you can for the next 24 hours, and then crash for the following 24 hours.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and will bite off your ear or press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship
If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.
If you are phobic, don't press anything.
If you are anal retentive, please hold.
If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have low self-esteem, just hang up. None of our representatives would talk to someone like you!
If you have a masochistic complex, please press "0" for the operator. There are 200 calls ahead of you.
If you are suicidal, press 666 and you will be put on hold.
If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down & cry. You won't be crazy forever.
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer or if it helps you, press 0 as fast as you can for the next 24 hours, and then crash for the following 24 hours.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and will bite off your ear or press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship
If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.
If you are phobic, don't press anything.
If you are anal retentive, please hold.
If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have low self-esteem, just hang up. None of our representatives would talk to someone like you!
If you have a masochistic complex, please press "0" for the operator. There are 200 calls ahead of you.
If you are suicidal, press 666 and you will be put on hold.
If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down & cry. You won't be crazy forever.
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
